Years ago, I read a book by Gary Chapman titled, “The Five Love Languages”. Have you read it? Well you should. Although it’s been a very long time since I have taken in its powerful lessons on love, the insights linger still in my relationships and in my marriage. I have shared this book and given it to more people than I can count- because it’s impact is relevant to anyone who longs to learn more about how this potent part of our lives really works.
In the book, Gary describes five different ways we express and receive love:
Words Of Affirmation
Acts of Service
These are all of our “Love Languages”.
The book describes each one in detail, and goes on to say how we each have certain ones that have more of an impact on our hearts than the others. We all share in these languages when we communicate love, however there is usually one way that dominates and speaks to us more than the others.
Think about it. How do you feel most loved?
Spending precious time together?
An encouraging card, or comment?
A lovely gift you receive?
An offer to help?
One of these probably speaks to you more than the others, although each one is powerful in itself. If you dive deep and reflect on what has the most impact on you, there will be a love language that you desperately long for… and look for… to feel loved.
What lifts you up?
What lights your fire?
What fills your heart?
What makes you feel most loved?
Spending time with someone is a beautiful way to show your love, and so is buying a lovely gift for that person as well as giving them a card with inspiring thoughts and praise. Many men crave the physical touch and intimacy as well as women. And many wives cherish the helpful husband doing the dishes or offering to fold the laundry or renovate a room. The list of examples goes on and on…
So what penetrates your heart the most?
My dominant love language is Words of Affirmation. (Surprised? Ha!) All my life, I have saved precious cards given to me in boxes and frames. I have savored any sweet encouraging comments and praise I have ever received. I also express love best in words. It’s my truest love language.
When my husband and I were just dating, he listened to this book on his own during long commutes to work. Yes, my guy went and found books on relationships in order to grow to be the best he can be in loving me. (I know… total keeper) I will never forget the message he left at my house after he finished the book.
“Oh Chrissy, I am realizing that ‘words of affirmation’ are your love language and I don’t give you enough of them! I am so sorry that I am not good with words, and I want you to know I am going to try harder to love you in this way.”
Yeah. I believe he won my heart that day.
Do you know that my precious husband leaves me notes almost every day before he goes off to work early in the morning? He has for 14 years and counting. I save every one of them.
Do you know that every anniversary, he writes me the most beautiful poems or letters, knowing that gift will be most cherished? He picks cards that he would never care to have for himself, but he knows the words in them are just what I want to read.
My man is truly not gifted in using words, bless his heart! But I tell ya- every single time I receive any words from him- I am lit UP in love.
I know his love language as well. Physical touch. Oh, how he needs that intimate bond or he starts to wither away. I am keenly aware of his needs and make sure I fill up his “love tank” regularly. It’s amazing how loving him this way can change his demeanor and attitude. It’s fulfilling to us both, when I choose to love him the way he needs to be loved!
If I bought my husband a gift, or wrote him an encouraging letter, or cleaned his car out or spent all day with him- he would appreciate it, but certainly not feel the intense love he feels through his main love language.
If my husband spent the day with me, did the dishes, gave me a long massage, and bought me a bracelet- I would feel loved, but not the intense affection I feel through my main love language.
So we feed each other’s hearts through the main food we need for nourishment. We replenish our tanks when they are low, and we renew our love over and over again- fueling the flames of our marriage with these beautiful acts of intentional love.
Think about your marriage or relationship…
Perhaps you can identify your love languages too, and grow to be more aware of your different needs in communicating your emotions. It’s a mighty powerful look into how we communicate, and one that is worth pursuing.
I strongly believe that some relationships are starving because one person is loving the other in their own love language and not honoring the key language of their partner. If I only wrote my husband songs and poems and love letters, he would slowly dissolve into an empty man. If he constantly gave me physical touch and never said or wrote me words of affirmation, I would most definitely wilt away…
I am so passionate about this book and these amazing insights into how we express and receive love. I know this process has saved marriages and relationships over and over again…
And by the way, there are the Five Love Languages For Children too!
*This is not a sponsored post. I just adore this book and it’s insights!*