This is my season of stillness and stirring. I love being in it, and yet at times I try to fight it as well. Sometimes I want to push through it and land in the next… I stir anxiously awaiting what God has in store for me. But for some reason, and there IS a reason- God has allowed my busy life to somehow land in this peaceful place, and although the wind comes in to rustle the days now and then- I find plenty of peace. I am wrapped in layers of memories and moments that drift into my mind, slowly unraveling on pages bringing such joy to my heart. This season sacrifices many people and purposes I have had to release, in order to fulfill its mission. There will always be that. No matter the season, the mission, the direction we face. Sacrifice is necessary, most unfortunately- but never unexpectedly.
In my stillness, lies wisdom gained from years gone by, slowly peeking it’s way through. Pleasant thoughts and deep doubts thread meticulous and murky reflections of these years. Opened vastness to pursue, bringing a new vitality flooding my pours from within. In this season, I am discovering more life bubbling up into my words with vigor as God ministers to my thoughts, my prayers, and my perspective. I have spent my entire life going, moving, and doing. I found purpose in those seasons as well. I know that now. I didn’t then.
Some seasons I endured ‘Suffering’ and “Surviving”. I have muddled through seasons of “Stagnating” and “Starving” as well. Others? “Seeking” and “Sanctity” and “Serving.” Then there were those seasons most difficult in “Spiraling”, “Searching” and eventually “Surrendering”.
Many hold shame and pain and brokenness. Some hold hope and vitality and light. All hold me.
I am just now learning to embrace the seasons of my life. I wish I knew that then. So many times I squirmed and struggled to break free from the season that engulfed me and kept me captive for months, sometimes years. Those seasons I desperately begged to escape, or those seasons I was so lost, I couldn’t concede to its value. I wish I knew then, that there was meaning behind each one. I wish I knew then, that my history would eventually bring forth new layers of who I was to be. Oh, how I wish I could go back and understand that truth. But always in time, we learn.
Seasons change their currents as often as the tides. So I try to embrace my stillness, realizing it may end abruptly. I stir for more, and wonder where it will lead me. I dream. I celebrate this time as a gift. I choose to fill it with prayer and deep introspection, in hopes to use my past seasons for good, for gain, for His Glory.
I don’t know what season will be next…
I am constantly peering over the edge.
A bit unsettled at what may come…
But I won’t let that restlessness take me. I won’t fight the beautiful barricades that hold my world together in this moment.
I will delight in this place. This season. I have more passion and potential in stillness than I have ever had in motion. The souls I have seen, felt, heard. This. I am basking in its beauty.
And I have quiet confidence, that God will deliver His Plan for the next season in His Perfect time.
What season are you in right now?
Oh friends, I pray you can embrace where you are and believe that whatever season you may be in, there is and always will be purpose behind it.
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” Ecclesiastes 3:1