Mommy Incidentals

Posted on Jan 22 2011 - 3:19am by momcafe

This is one of my favorite laughable memories of potty training.  After you read this one, add your own in the comments below!!

My four-year-old son paid me to wipe his butt.  Let me say that again….. My four-year-old son paid me to wipe his butt.  Yep!  Let me give you more to this story….

My son is almost five and still has “issues” with wiping poop off his butt.  I get that!  It’s not a fun thing to do, now is it?  I also understand that he can make a hell of a mess with what lingers “down there”.   I know the kid really needs to wipe his own butt, BUT I also realize the mess that can ensue if he does!  I confess….

I have been wiping his butt every time he poops.

SOOO….. Realizing that he better do it himself soon because they don’t wipe butts in kindergarten, I have set the goal of him wiping on his own by age five.  He whines and moans and cries for help….I prompt and encourage and push and threaten and we go round and round….every day.

So the other day he is sitting on the pot and yelling and whining and moaning for me to wipe his butt.  I then prompt and encourage and push and threaten.  He then throws in a new punch….

“MOMMY!  I’LL GIVE YOU ALL MY MONEY IF YOU WIPE MY BUTT!!!!!”

Hmmmmm….  Thinking……Wondering how much he’s got…. Could use some extra spending money.  What’s one more time?  We still have a few more weeks to make our goal.  He continues…..

“SERIOUS MOM!  I WILL GET MY PIGGY BANK AND GIVE YOU IT ALL!!!  PAHLEEEEEEEEEEEZE!”

I give in.  As my seven-year-old daughter laughs hysterically as this plays out, she exclaims:  “I can’t WAIT to share this in circle tomorrow!!!  My friends are gonna laugh so hard!!!!!” (Another story for her teacher….great.)

My son goes right upstairs after the “deed is done” and gets his piggy bank and empties it on the table.  Coins.  My daughter starts counting as he stands by to wait the inevitable…. I must say, my son is a man of his word.  I was impressed!  (Thought for sure he would back out of this one after he got me to wipe his butt.  I was all ready to “teach him a lesson about following through on promises made”)

“64 CENTS MOM!  HE HAS 64 CENTS!!!” My daughter rejoices….

“WOO HOO!  MOMMA’S GOT 64 CENTS!!!”  I chime in…..

“There you go mom.”  Says my precious son.

Deal is done.

 

toilet_money 580x300

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20 Comments so far. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. Sue Theimer January 23, 2011 at 6:52 pm - Reply

    Required reading for moms everywhere! Beautifully written, well-received, immensely loved.

    • Chrissy January 23, 2011 at 9:34 pm - Reply

      Oh, so grateful to hear that feedback! :)

  2. Becky January 30, 2011 at 4:19 pm - Reply

    You should get him some kandoo flushable wipes! My lil guy had a terrible time getting himself clean too. After a few weeks, he was wiping by himself…then gradually to regular toilet paper. Good Luck! http://www.pampers.com/en_US/proddetail/id/900810

  3. michelle @ this little light March 5, 2013 at 6:58 pm - Reply

    Oh. My. Gosh, Chris, that is so flippin’ funny. My 6-year-old STILL asks me. Actually, until recently, that is. I asked him last week what he did in school when he needed to poop and he said “Duh, mum, I wipe my butt.” All this time I think he was poop-wiping-challenged. Nope, he just liked having mom do the dirty work … literally.

    Thank you for the afternoon laugh, my friend! xo
    michelle @ this little light recently posted..In The QuietMy Profile

    • momcafe March 5, 2013 at 7:35 pm - Reply

      SO funny because my 7 YEAR OLD (now) STILL asks me to wipe his but when it’s “messy!”. Yup. I know that “mommy wipe my butt” scam all too well!!! My kid waits all day to come home from school and sit in the bathroom for twenty minutes!! BUT the kid can wipe his own butt. THIS I know!! (However, I still do it when it’s messy. Lucky me!!)

  4. Diane March 5, 2013 at 8:13 pm - Reply

    Hmmmmmm…this is not such a bad idea! I also have a son that we struggle with wiping. ;)

    – Stopping by from themommymess!
    Diane recently posted..The Lorax, Mayor Bee, and MeMy Profile

    • momcafe March 5, 2013 at 9:37 pm - Reply

      Give it a try… And just think of all the shopping money you will get in this parenting twist! (I mean I almost could buy a pack of gum!!)

  5. Ilene March 5, 2013 at 10:50 pm - Reply

    This is beyond hilarious! I have had to wipe a lot of butts myself way past potty training – and even though I am done with babies, hypothetically speaking, if there ever is a next time, I’m asking for money!
    Ilene recently posted..The Fierce Diva Guide to RomanceMy Profile

    • momcafe March 6, 2013 at 2:09 am - Reply

      I wish I continued to get paid for it!! I would SO be a rich woman now!!! ;) Ooooh. WAIT!! I know for a FACT the kid has 50 bucks in the bank from his birthday! I am totally going for it next time!!! LOL

  6. adrienne March 6, 2013 at 12:24 am - Reply

    Bahahahahahaaa!!! Hilarious! My 8 year old still begs for help! Not every time, but on those really messy ones. LOL!!!! (shhhh…don’t tell anyone). I need to share this whole plan with him.
    adrienne recently posted..#GoingGreen-Recycle Your Best {Missed} Posts!My Profile

    • momcafe March 6, 2013 at 2:06 am - Reply

      Oh, well now that I know there is an 8 year parameter in this wiping gig… I am SO gonna make some more money!!! AND next year I am totally raising my fees!! :)

  7. Erika ~ Prey Species March 6, 2013 at 1:52 pm - Reply

    OK – this is hilarious!!!! Sooo glad you shared this one!!!!!
    Erika ~ Prey Species recently posted..Thank You for Being Nice Despite the Orange Poo!My Profile

    • momcafe March 6, 2013 at 2:28 pm - Reply

      Thanks so much Erika!! I still crack up thinking about how it all played out! :)

  8. AnnMarie March 6, 2013 at 2:13 pm - Reply

    Since Gia is newly-potty trained, I can totally relate to this as I predict that I’ll be wiping butts for a few more years. So funny!
    AnnMarie recently posted..The Gifts of CFMy Profile

  9. Robbie March 6, 2013 at 8:49 pm - Reply

    Your son is quite the entrepreneur!
    Robbie recently posted..Childhood MemoriesMy Profile

    • momcafe March 7, 2013 at 2:26 am - Reply

      I believe so Robbie!! I actually call him the master manipulator!!! I mean, really??!! Next time I am sooo gonna see how much he has first! :)

  10. Kristen Daukas March 6, 2013 at 11:15 pm - Reply

    Oh how grateful am I that we’re way past this stage? Although.. if you give him enough money and he gives it back to you.. you can justify buying YOU things because HE gave you the money, right?!
    Kristen Daukas recently posted..Things that I Miss – And You Will Too.My Profile

  11. Meredith March 7, 2013 at 9:24 pm - Reply

    This is fantastic! I think you are brilliant for getting your son to pay you–how am I not savvy enough to do this?? Hope you didn’t go too crazy and spend all that $$ at once! ;)
    Meredith recently posted..Finding the Funny! And a few other good things about March…My Profile

    • momcafe March 8, 2013 at 2:27 am - Reply

      I have a plan… he has saved up his allowance and birthday money. I’m going BIG next time. When he is DESPERATE with a messy butt… I will get it ALL! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Score ONE for mommy! ;)

  12. Hope January 14, 2014 at 4:43 am - Reply

    OMG!!!! Chris! I almost choked on my late night tea…maybe I shouldn’t be drinking tea this late. This is sooo funny and I can totally relate! And here it is 3 years later…you must be very rich my friend.lol
    Hope recently posted..Mommy, I’m done! Can you come wipe…My Profile

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