I had one of those heart to heart talks with my kids, one night while we were doing our snuggle time before bed. It started with that beautiful embrace as they stretched their arms out to me and squealed ‘Do that thing you do mommy!” I jumped on the bed in between them and rolled over to hug and kiss one child, while the other screamed and fought for me. I then turned and hugged and kissed the other child, while the other one fought for me. And as they giggled and kept battling for my attention while reaching and pulling me back and forth, I soaked in the incredible power of a mother’s love. Every night, this is my precious moment to hold in my heart. Every night they beg for my attention, over and over again.
And as I lied there, now with both kids entangled in my arms and legs and the true core of who I am, I breathed out my love for my children.
“Oh, how I love you two so much. How I missed you while I was in Texas! ”
And they squeezed tighter and loved harder, pulling me in with a grasp that seemed to seal it all together.
I began to set our sights on summer, asking them what they really wanted to do most for our short summer months ahead. And I was both surprised and convicted with their response.
They didn’t talk about summer camps, and swimming and friends. They didn’t wish for vacations and excursions and fairs full of fun.
Their greatest wish was more of me.
“I wish you could still teach my class at church mom. It’s so boring now. I don’t even want to be there. I hate that I never get to see you anymore. You’re always helping other kids and I want so badly to be in that group with you! It’s not fair. You’re too busy.”
“Mom, can you just stop blogging at least on the weekends, so we can play?”
And the conversation went on…
And my heart sank.
I know I am a good mother to these precious children. I know I give them tons of attention and love. But as they shared their deepest desires, I listened. And I responded with validation and a new commitment to them. I realized that my most important calling was compromised, and they have spoken truth.
I explained as I always do, how important these other elements are in my life. They know. They truly understand my calling to serve and my passion to write. They know that I have a purpose that pulls me away from them at times, and I believe that is okay. But the true test of motherhood, is finding that delicate balance between it all.
This pivotal night confirmed my new set of summer priorities. Because I know there will come a summer season, where they won’t want more of me… perhaps much less.
My kids want me this summer.
And with that profound wish, I will see to it that they get what they deserve. It’s time to match my priorities with my actions.
For them. For me. For us.