I had a day….a day where you stumble on an emotional stump and fall from a cliff into the abyss of sadness and insecurities and anger and weakness. The day started off great, then took a turn into a hard fast flying nose dive by afternoon. It hit me from behind, where I couldn’t see it coming. And I wasn’t prepared for it…. What to do?
Well, I spiraled down like a plane that lost a wing…. With all the thoughts and feelings of a torn soul. Then I responded to a text my sister sent me with a “I’m not in a good place” response. I cried. I lied down for a reprieve as my adoring hubby took the kids for a few hours to give me some time to deal. I got up, started to make French toast in the quiet of my home….it was nice, but I wasn’t in a place to appreciate it. I was in horrible physical pain and self- damaging emotional pain. Man, I hate when I go there. I hate that in my 43 years of living, I haven’t quite figured this one relational issue out yet. It’s an ongoing lesson, I suppose.
There are so many times I stay strong in life and I can muscle through the challenges and face head on, the pain. I can persevere and endure life’s many ups and downs, as I’m sure you all can too. It’s those issues that are certain to take me under that get me. It’s those rocky places that shake every time I dangle on them. It’s that one vulnerable ripple that turns into the wave. Do you have one of those areas of weakness that take you under? Is there some “one” or some “issue” or some “thing” that just pushes you over the edge? Don’t ya hate that one dreaded vulnerability? (or two or three) It’s just a soft spot on our radar of life. It’s that dark black hole that if you dance around it, you’ll surely get sucked right down the tunnel. Yeah…. My guess is everyone has one…(or two or three). We are all human. We all can’t be without error….it is just how we are made.
For me, my greatest weakness and my most cherished passion is people. I can ride so high I feel like I’m flying, when I sense I made someone smile or helped him or her through a problem. There’s just no greater joy than knowing I made a difference in someone’s life for the better. I just love people. When a conflict arises, whether it be with a friend, a family member, a neighbor, or even a stranger….I absolutely fall apart. I crumble into a thousand tiny little pieces and then have to start the process of picking each little shattered piece off the ground and gluing it back inside me. This, as you probably guessed can be very timely and extremely exhausting! Sometimes, if I have picked up say…one hundred tiny pieces and something else happens to further the conflict? Yep, those hundred shatter again into more tiny pieces and back I go, to start picking up more pieces again. I simply HATE to be in conflict with another person. I just can’t handle it….
So here I am in my “French toast making waller” (what’s waller you say? A new word I made up that kinda means “wallowing and hollering” together. Because, you see, I am wallowing with inner turmoil and despair, and hollering in physical pain with my jaw. I like it! Think I’ll start making more words up in the future…) and then, all of a sudden, this tiny little cute voice just spoke inside of me. It said the DARNDEST THING!!!!! I heard it, and then I heard it again. It whispered quietly into my heart. It just sneaked it’s little voice in… amongst the wallering…it said….you ready???? This is what it told me….
“CHRISSY, GET YOUR SUNSHINE ON”
I swear it said that! This sweet tiny voice told me to get my sunshine on! Just at that moment, I smiled. I took a deep introspective breath that seemed to suck up a few tiny pieces back into my being. I took another moment and thought about that statement.
And another moment…mmmm…sunshine….get it on…..yeah….I see…. ….pick…..up…..another….piece….pick…..up…..get…..your…sun…..shine…..on…….breath…..mmm….
yeah…..YEAH……YES…….OH YEA…..I’M GONNA DO IT…….GET IT ON…..SHINING PROUD……
MY SUNSHINE…..MY SUN…….GONNA SHINE…….ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM GONNA GET MY SUNSHINE ON!!!!!!!!
And so with that wonderful epiphany, and inspiring moment I was going to start the next day off with the sun. And I was gonna put it on me. Done. Gonna shine. Gonna get my sunshine on….no matter how badly I felt. Gonna try my hardest to move forward without wallering…. (I like it! It works doesn’t it?) There will be patches and pieces and parts all around…but some cute little voice told me to do it. So I’m gonna.
Will you join me? Hey all you mother sistas!!!!!! When you fall in that “weak spot” of your life…… will you do me a favor? Listen very carefully…. There is a cute voice deep inside you too…. It just might be saying the same thing…… listen….it’s there…..hear it??????? And if you don’t, may I be your cute little voice?
“OH DEAR MAMA, GET YOUR SUNSHINE ON!!!!!”
Shine girls. Give your light. It’s in you. Give it all. Always. Shine.