Friends

Posted on Feb 25 2013 - 3:10am by momcafe

My next February Friend is Michell, from Prowess and Pearls!!  She always has convicting and inspiring messages over at her place!  Her heart is beautiful and God’s Love truly shines, when she shares her words of encouragement with her readers.

 

Friends…how many of us have them?

I have certain standards, as should you, I look for in a friend (no, not that I’m better than the next person) – I just REALLY ENJOY living in a “drama free” zone, which is working quite WELL for me! ;-) Some of these descriptions may sound funny, but sadly, they are so true and I see them in the lives of so many people around me.

As a friend you must make sure you’re NOT “The Cling On” – you know, the needy friend – the person who acts as if they can’t possibly live without others. People don’t realize this is a quality that must NOT be overlooked! If you’re a needy friend, then all you’ll do is suck your relationships dry. Your friend(s) will always be giving and you’ll always be taking. I don’t care what anyone says…they may be nice to your face; but I guarantee, behind your back; they won’t like you very much and will only look at you as a problem! I mean really, we as women are surrounded by people who are dependent on us on a daily basis (and rightfully so)…the last thing we need is a friend who is always taking and NEVER giving.

Don’t get me wrong, there will be times when one friend has to be the shoulder to cry on or the springboard, all at one time. What I’m referencing to here is that person who NEVER seems to be around for the other person when the tables are turned.

Another friendship zapper – that’s to the OTHER extreme – is “The Know-It-All”. This is the overbearing friend…one of MY major pet peeves. To make it clear, these friends can be great helpers. They may be there whenever you need them however; they can sometimes use it as a way to intricately weave themselves into the lives of others. I perceive they aren’t getting the attention they need from the loved ones in their lives and their validation comes from overcompensating in the area of friendships. Next thing you know, they’re giving their opinions (all the time might I add) and unwanted advice; and if those opinions or advice are not eagerly received they get very offended – making sure they let YOU know, they feel under appreciated.

Last, but most certainly not least; please oh please make sure you’re NOT ’The Pig”…this is the person who “hogs” their friendships; no one else can be within a five foot radius of their friend, if so, you’ll see them wear “green envy” like a badge of honor. No one else can talk to their friend without them spiraling into the “abyss” of paranoia. It can sometimes borderline “possessiveness” and can make a great storyline for a “Lifetime” movie. Sounds crazy right – because it is!

Ladies, please take a look at your friendships, and if it seems as if they’re not the way they used to be – examine yourself and make sure as a friend you’re not giving off any of these attributes and if you are…I admonish you to make a change. No, I’m not criticizing you, I just want you to experience healthy, long-lived friendships, the ones that we all deserve. It’s so much easier to have healthy friendships when our relationship with God is solid. I’m a firm believer that if you have an unhealthy relationship with yourself, more than likely your relationships with others will suffer in the process. God’s girls are way above the drama of this day and age. We know that good friends are to be cherished, not taken advantage of or misused. As a friend, you should be just that; a friend – someone who’s a confidant, who supports, encourages, is loyal and loving; and does unto them as you would have them do unto you. Ruth 1:16-17. ICYB! ;-))  

 

Michell Pulliam is mom to three beautiful children and one handsome son-in-law and wife to Pastor Todd Pulliam. She and her husband shepherd a flock of God’s children in Columbia, South Carolina at Word Empowerment Zone Ministries!  She blogs for and about women. Her passion is teaching and training women to biblically love themselves, so they can accurately show others the love of Christ! Her to the point post will humor you, challenge you, but most of all encourage you.  Michell’s motto in life she lives by and which she challenges everyone to do, is…to “DO YOU well!
All Rights Reserved copyright© 2012 Michell Pulliam “Prowess and Pearls” Devotionals by Michell Pulliam

 

PROWESS AND PEARLS DEVOTIONALS BY MICHELL PULLIAM

 

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32 Comments so far. Feel free to join this conversation.

  1. Joi @ Rx Fitness Lady February 25, 2013 at 2:25 pm - Reply

    Michell, I have friends who are blended with these qualities but not to the extreme and I accept them and love them as they are. I have experienced some levels of the “HOG” friend over the years & we have had to work that out (I have 2 BFFs). Interesting that you guest posted this topic. Last night at my book club meeting, the characters led us to a very deep discussion on that pig/jealousy issue. Most people were in agreement that it’s not that you don’t want your friends to have other friends, but “NEW” friends kinda sting (just a little) when your friends starts blabbing off about them, haha..these were women around the 30ish age range, but never the less that was the conclusion. What I don’t really put up with is the Know it All friend and I try my best not to be it either. Enjoyed the post.
    Joi @ Rx Fitness Lady recently posted..Brandz A Make You Dance, If You’re BlackMy Profile

    • Michell February 25, 2013 at 5:24 pm - Reply

      Hahaha Joi, too funny! If everyone followed the “golden rule”…do unto others as you would have them do unto unto you…many relationships would be fulfilling. Alas…if only we lived in a perfect world, right, lol! Thanks for dropping by…have a good one Joi!
      Michell recently posted..Guest Posting!My Profile

  2. another jennifer February 25, 2013 at 4:35 pm - Reply

    I have no time for drama either. You’ve described perfectly what I try to avoid in friendships. Great post!
    another jennifer recently posted..Writing Blog Posts That Build A Community: Class Starts on March 4th! (vlog)My Profile

  3. Michell February 25, 2013 at 5:32 pm - Reply

    Hi Jennifer, thanks so much for dropping by! These friends at one time only existed on t.v. and in the movies, but unfortunately they’ve become a reality. Thanks again for visiting…have a wonderful week! :-)
    Michell recently posted..Guest Posting!My Profile

  4. Ashley Ditto February 25, 2013 at 6:00 pm - Reply

    This is just amazing, and so very true. Thank you for writing this Michell, your wisdom and your heart- lovely.
    Ashley Ditto recently posted..God’s Word in my Heart Giveaway!My Profile

  5. Michell February 25, 2013 at 6:39 pm - Reply

    Hey Ashley! Thanks so much lady and thanks for visiting me over here! Have a blessed week my friend! ;-)
    Michell recently posted..Guest Posting!My Profile

  6. The Dose of Reality February 25, 2013 at 7:11 pm - Reply

    I had a friend like “the pig”…only I didn’t even know it! It wasn’t until we weren’t friends anymore that my other friends told me how she was never warm to them and put off a “back off” vibe to others about me. She even made faces at people GAH! I guess I just never saw it.

    The greatest thing is, when you break free of these kinds of people, it feels so good!
    The Dose of Reality recently posted..Oh, Honey…No! (aka The 10 Dumbest Purchases Ever Found On Pinterest)My Profile

    • Michell February 26, 2013 at 12:22 am - Reply

      Made faces…now THAT’S funny and sad all at the same time, lol! And we wonder why young girls act this way…because they see adults do it. Thanks so much for chiming in…have a great evening!;-)
      Michell recently posted..Guest Posting!My Profile

  7. AnnMarie February 25, 2013 at 7:43 pm - Reply

    This is such a timely post for me. I have been evaluating several of my friendships and am finding that the drama isn’t worth it. All three of these apply. I cannot stand the “know it all” and the “pig” makes me feel like I am suffocating.
    AnnMarie recently posted..Essence of Now: Weekend UpdateMy Profile

  8. Michell February 26, 2013 at 12:25 am - Reply

    You’re right, it’s so not worth it! Your peace of mind is worth so much more! All we CAN do, is snip them from our lives and pray they finally see the light! Thanks so much for visiting…have a wonderful evening!;-)
    Michell recently posted..Guest Posting!My Profile

  9. Trinity February 26, 2013 at 2:07 am - Reply

    Amen! This is so true. It is very annoying to me to have clingy friends and those who seem to suck the life out of you. It is equally as annoying to have those friends who leave you feeling as down as they are feeling. I have tried to not be hypersensitive in that area. However, I have a friend that has left me feeling that way on a number of occasions. Those were not her intentions – I don’t believe. But, because she was so burdened down with grief and depression, those demonic spirits transferred to me and when our visit was over, I felt so overwhelmed with whatever she was going through at the time. I had to immediately go into prayer. Thanks for sharing.

    • Michell February 26, 2013 at 4:24 pm - Reply

      Oh yes Trinity. Don’t get me wrong; we love people, but some people just aren’t good for us. Yes, God sometimes put them in our lives for us to minister to, but we’ll know when that’s the case. True friendships should never be draining, but always refreshing. Thanks for visiting and chiming in Trinity, have a wonderful week!;-)
      Michell recently posted..Guest Posting!My Profile

    • Michell February 26, 2013 at 4:28 pm - Reply

      Hi Britton! Hahaha…the “know it all” has got to be the worse, lol! Thanks so much for stopping by…have a wonderful day!
      Michell recently posted..Guest Posting!My Profile

  10. Britton February 26, 2013 at 3:51 pm - Reply

    I had a “know-it-all” friend who I had to get rid of! I just couldn’t deal with the overbearing and interjecting themselves with opinions that werent solicited! Stopping in from SITS!
    Britton recently posted..Motivational Monday: A New Plan of ActionMy Profile

  11. Michell February 26, 2013 at 4:31 pm - Reply

    Oops, Britton…don’t know how my reply to your comment got way up there, lol!
    Michell recently posted..Guest Posting!My Profile

    • momcafe February 26, 2013 at 4:37 pm - Reply

      HA! No worries Michell!! Britton still received your response in her email!!! :)

  12. Meredith February 26, 2013 at 8:16 pm - Reply

    Michell, go you for speaking the truth! God does have a better design for our friendships as women and I love that you call out the traps we can fall into so clearly. Thanks for encouraging us towards something better!
    Meredith recently posted..Loving Every Minute!My Profile

    • Michell February 27, 2013 at 4:46 am - Reply

      Hey Meredith! Oh yes He does, doesn’t He? So glad you stopped by…have a wonderful evening! ;-)
      Michell recently posted..Guest Posting!My Profile

  13. Hope February 26, 2013 at 9:51 pm - Reply

    What a great post, Michell, I always try to be the kind of friend that I seek. I don’t think I have those kinds of friends in my life. If I did, they’ve fallen away due to lack of commonality or similar interest. I blogged about it before. Thank you for sharing your wisom.

    http://defininghope.blogspot.com/2012/04/be-kind-of-friend-you-seek.html
    Hope recently posted..Stay In The Line.My Profile

    • Michell February 27, 2013 at 4:53 am - Reply

      Hi Hope! That’s a great rule to follow! It definitely goes right along with Galatians 6:7. Have a blessed evening!
      Michell recently posted..Guest Posting!My Profile

  14. Michelle February 27, 2013 at 1:18 am - Reply

    Great post, Michell and very valid points. I’ve had friendships on both spectrums and it can be very draining emotionally and spiritually. I’ve learned to be careful who I allow in my inner circle and to be discerning when I need to pull away – especially from the “know it alls” who may sincerely be trying to help in the way they feel is best – just not necessarily best for me.
    Michelle recently posted..The Divatude Challenge 2013: Welcome KimberlyMy Profile

  15. Michell February 27, 2013 at 4:57 am - Reply

    I love your last line…”they may sincerely be trying to help in the way they feel is best – just not best for me”….so true! As a believer, discernment is definitely our friend! Thanks so much for dropping by Michelle…have a blessed evening! ;-)
    Michell recently posted..Guest Posting!My Profile

  16. bluecottonmemory February 27, 2013 at 5:04 am - Reply

    Good friends become family – and they are beautiful gifts from the Father:)They know the worst about you and loves you still. They might miss it, but you don’t give up on each other:)
    bluecottonmemory recently posted..Peace from ScrapsMy Profile

    • momcafe February 27, 2013 at 4:11 pm - Reply

      Yes they are, and God puts them in our lives for a reason! When they’re good friends…we definitely know it! For all others, unfortunately we MUST snip because they’re just not good for US.;-) Thanks for stopping by and chiming in…have a great day!!;-)
      momcafe recently posted..AH, THE SNOW DAY…AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!My Profile

  17. Mothering From Scratch February 27, 2013 at 3:19 pm - Reply

    {Melinda} Another inspiring post from Michell! LOVE her blog. I’m fortunate to have really solid friendships with lots of give and take. That wasn’t always the case, so I am very, very appreciative and blessed. :)
    Mothering From Scratch recently posted..how to shake up 10 boring tasks of motherhoodMy Profile

    • Michell February 27, 2013 at 3:56 pm - Reply

      Awww…thank you Melinda! You’re such a blessing! Yes, solid friendships are a blessing and are to be cherished! Thanks so much for visiting! Have a blessed week my friend!
      Michell recently posted..“Doing YOU WELL Wednesday” #6My Profile

  18. adrienne February 28, 2013 at 1:38 am - Reply

    Wise words, Michell. I like the drama free zone myself! I have a small handful of close friends in real life. I love meeting new people! I love people! But, I can only truly keep up with just a few.
    adrienne recently posted..What’s worse than a mom who hasn’t had coffee?My Profile

    • Michell February 28, 2013 at 5:57 am - Reply

      Hi Adrienne! I know exactly what you mean, lol! My friends are 4 or more hours away. Whenever we do get together…we cherish it! That’s why I love my blogger friends…no drama here, just encouragement! ;-) Thanks so much for dropping by…have a wonderful evening!;-)
      Michell recently posted..“Doing YOU WELL Wednesday” #6My Profile

  19. Michell February 28, 2013 at 6:05 am - Reply

    Hi Chris! THANK YOU so much my friend for sharing your lovely blog with me this week!! It was an HONOR and I so enjoyed myself! Thank you again and may you have a blessed rest of your week lovely lady!! ;-)
    Michell recently posted..“Doing YOU WELL Wednesday” #6My Profile

    • momcafe February 28, 2013 at 2:21 pm - Reply

      Thank YOU Michell for (as always) blessing us with your loving support, guidance and encouragement!!! SO grateful. :)

  20. Sue Theimer March 8, 2013 at 11:08 pm - Reply

    Thank you! Very Interesting Insights of Friendship. . .I can easily put a name on each description!

    • Michell March 11, 2013 at 6:17 pm - Reply

      Hi Sue! Can’t we all, lol! Thanks so much for dropping by…have a wonderful day! ;-)
      Michell recently posted..Guest Posting!My Profile

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