I sit here empty. Depleted from life’s circumstances that have been peeling layer upon layer off of me, leaving me whittled to the bone. So much has happened in the last two weeks, that every corner of my life has been burdened with heavy weight. I have tried to keep from getting submerged by the ever-growing tides that keep crashing in, and I still stand in victory that I have yet to be washed up on the shore lifeless and hopeless. I’m not there. I’m simply treading the waves with prayer and His endurance keeping me afloat.
We’ve all been there, yes? Things can come at you from all angles, when we least expect it. Sometimes they are even good things mixed in the heavy-hearted trauma that can grip your heart and hold you down. I have been blessed with light amidst the ongoing pieces that have fallen. Oh there is much light surrounding me, and in me! So I must go forward armed with that light and carry on my mission in many places that call my name.
Here’s the deal. At this very moment, I don’t have the time or capacity to carry out this mission in the blog world. Not right now. I have countless bloggers whom I adore, and I want so badly to keep reading, connecting, loving and laughing along this journey together with them. With you. This blog world is full of life and love and deep friendships that I treasure with all my heart. It’s what we do.
It starts with obligation. There is the need to reach out and reciprocate their precious love for my words and my message. It then reaches a steady commitment that radiates among the blogosphere. I become entrenched with so many lives, that I immerse myself in their words and long to connect and encourage and give back. Friendships are founded, and we do what friends do…
Oh, so beautiful.
Here’s where life shifts and the true test of friendships and commitments will either rise and continue to take flight, or land and slowly dissipate. Friendships in real life do the same, don’t they? A friend stops calling, and we either don’t call back or we give more and realize they are in a place of receiving- not giving. As loyal as friendship can be, it sometimes fails to follow through when the fragile pendulum swings out of balance. A friend stops giving… we do too.
This is my fear. Always.
Is it yours?
I hate to think of friendship in this way, but it is the harsh reality of our human condition, really. Sometimes it’s just a natural transition that occurs in a poorly maintained relationship. Sometimes life situations cause a turn that sacrifices a devotion to another.
Whatever the reason, it happens.
I am going to face this fear now. In order to sustain my endurance and fuel my light, I must surrender this need in order to breath life into the crises AND opportunities that have been unfolding behind this screen. My husband and children are healthy and wonderfully blessed. My dear core family is intact, however there are other family members who are suffering tragic hardships right now- and without divulging confidential information, I will ask you for your prayers for them. It is a nightmare, and I pray for God to breath strength and mercy into their lives. I also have taken on the teen ministry for my church, in addition to the vital ministries I am already engaged in… This is a critical time, as we start to launch new programs and make some transitions within my fellowship. I must open more space for this. As most of my dear readers know, I have regular writing obligations to three additional sites- and I will not let them down. This is my nutshell explanation, offered only to satisfy your sweet concern.
LOTS of good things, but some tragic circumstances as well…
I will keep writing, during those moments of quiet I can grasp… I must. Writers get this.
But it’s the reading that I must break from, temporarily. Just until the undertow dissipates, and the storms settle. For now, I take the risk of losing this very precious piece of my life, to weather the winds and battle the waters outside of it. This blog, and you mean the world to me. I absolutely love reading and connecting with so many beautiful souls I have come to truly understand and love. I pray I come back to those friendships still alive and well. Oh, how I pray.
I hope you keep calling, dear friends. Even when I don’t return your messages. Please know you are on my heart so very often, and I hold my breath waiting to get back to you. I will. I promise. Because that’s what friends do. And I am honored- so very honored…
To call you friend.
I’m just giving myself a week, maybe two…
You know how much I love you…
I want to support you…
Do you know that?
Oh, how I do.
I’ll be back.