Today I am introducing you to a new friend, Bianca Avelino from Rant Rave Crave. She shares a story close to my heart. I love her honesty and I’m honored she shares it here with my dear friends and followers. Many women can relate to postpartum depression and the angst and tumultuous journey a mother can endure. How many of us have been through something similar? I wonder…
So it was no surprise that I was completely nervous throughout my entire pregnancy. I miscarried a few months earlier, so I was always scared that something would go wrong.
When my son was born, I breathed a sigh of relief that was quickly replaced with a crippling fear. It had dawned on me that I was responsible for this new life I brought into the world & I would feel completely awful if something happened to him. SIDS was what worried me the most. I found it extremely unsettling that a baby could just die at any moment. It didn’t help that I was given pamphlets about it during my time at the hospital.
I spent our first night at home with my hand on his chest so I could feel him breathe. I tried to fight sleep. I felt like I needed to be awake all night long because if something was to happen to him, I could save him. I told myself that I’d sleep while my husband was up.
Of course, I’d end up falling asleep. What I wasn’t prepared for was these scary thoughts that would wake me up in a panic “the baby isn’t breathing” “the baby is going to die” were the phrases that kept echoing in my head. These phrases would continue to wake me up through the first weeks of my postpartum life. Those weren’t the only things that would happen. I recall buying a few things at the store while my husband took care of our son. He encouraged me to get out of the house. I knew he would be fine with the baby. Yet, while I stood in the checkout line, a sudden panic came over me. I had an urge to get out of the store. I needed to be with the baby. No matter how much I told myself that my husband and the baby were fine and I would be home in a few minutes, I felt a panic that was so suffocating.
I read up on the baby blues throughout my pregnancy, but I knew that this was much worse than that. My books would only say “if you feel like you would hurt your baby, call 911.” That was it. It didn’t say anything about having panic or anxiety having to do with your child.
I knew I needed help. There weren’t that many counselors in my area that specialized in postpartum depression and the ones who did unfortunately didn’t take insurance of any kind.
I did manage to find one that took insurance and I also joined a new moms support group through the hospital. It was comforting to hear that I wasn’t alone and that a lot of new moms have experienced the same thoughts and anxiety that I did. After a few weeks of therapy as well as 6 months of Zoloft, I felt much better.
Bianca’s first foray into the blog world happened in 2009 when she started a restaurant review blog. After her son was born, she started a mommy blog. Feeling a little overwhelmed, she combined her food blog and mommy blog to create Rant Rave Crave. Bianca still posts restaurant reviews every Monday but has also branched out, participating in link ups and blog hops. She also writes mom & baby posts from time to time. Her son will be 2 in June and she is amazed at how fast time has flown.
You can follow Bianca on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/rantravecrave