What to Wear?

My 7 year old daughter comes downstairs dressed in all black and asks, “Do I look ‘Goth’ mommy???  Mmmmm….  What to do?

This scene reminds me of all those times I allowed my daughter to wear what she wanted if only to allow personal “expression” or shall I say:  ‘creativity of the “soul” through choosing the outer layers of her being.

(Man, I am so deep)

I remember her wearing a big black witch hat for months everywhere we went, when she was 2 years old.  Most people looked at her with curious eyes and twisted brows, as I would explain her creative and curious tendencies.  I remember picking her up from pre-school as her teacher gently scolded me for allowing her to wear her swimsuit to class, saying it raised a mini-riot with the other three year olds wanting to go “swimming”.  My daughter did not have her swimsuit on anymore, it was in a bag and she was in clothes from the “clinic” so as to calm down the roaring gang of preschoolers.  She loved that swimsuit!  Why not?  Oh and I remember the pre-K teacher ever so questioning why I allowed my 4 year old to wear sun dresses through the cold winter months when it was well below freezing.  I politely answered, “Because she loves them”.

There are endless more memories with not only my daughter but my son as well.  I have this vivid picture of my son wearing my daughter’s Barbie tu tu everywhere he went and often wore her clothes instead of his own.  Pink coats and flowered colorful shirts…. It was his ‘longing to be like sis’ days.  I allowed his inner soul to express!  Got a lot of looks!  I remember another mom commenting on him as she saw him wearing my daughter’s pink jacket, “I understand all about that!  Why go spend the money on a coat when you have hand me downs?”  Oh dear!  I quickly explained that my son has FOUR coats at home and he just insists on wearing all his sister’s clothes these days.  Geez….

Eventually, the “social norm” had its influence on both my children, as they now dress within the bounds of “kid fashion” to fit in.  Once in a great

while, they still pop out with a costume on or an interesting show of uniqueness and individuality, which I so love to embrace.   It’s only clothing, but it can be an artistic outlet.  It can be a show of confidence.  It can be an expression of worthiness and value.  It can be a step of independence and individuality.  Or it can be trying to be something they are not…


If anyone knows my daughter, they know she is FAR from “Goth”.  But one of her best friends is apparently all about it.  (Yes, this is second grade!  Can you believe?)

She looks uncomfortable and awkward as she stands there waiting for my response….

“Well honey, do you know what “Goth” is?”

“It’s when you wear all black.”

“Okay, (we’ll go with that!) And who did you learn that from?”

She says the name her friend.

“Honey, do you like being in all black, like her?”

“Not really.”  As she looks down at her outfit and seems a little disappointed at her choice.  “I think I’m going to go change my pants”.

“That sounds more like the girl I know!”

And so she once again returned to who she was, and realized that she was not like her friend and that was ok.

Our children…finding themselves through the “fabric of their lives”.

Had to say it!

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  1. Libby says

    Haha, the swimsuit thing is funny. But that picture you have is definitely not ‘Goth’ its a scene kid. And ‘Goth’ is just pretty much a fashion choice, so basically it is just wearing all black, with a tiny bit of color.

    • momcafe says

      Yeah….we looked for a picture that wasn’t too horrifying as many were! (Google “Goth” and you will see what I’m talking about!) We thought this picture was cute and more comical. Thanks for the education on Goth! I don’t have a clue about it, so I appreciate your input!

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