Twisted, Tangled, Tied and Trapped
This season of summer is supposed to be filled with joy and the ever-elusive sunshine that radiates gladness and glory of all that the free flowing air can find. And yet, this season I have been winding myself around a slowly dissolving well of constant doing and giving and serving… which has left my tank drained of nourishing water from which to drink in and get my fill.
Although I thrive on giving and serving and doing, the very act has somehow led me to this place of dried up twisted, tangled, tied and trapped barricade of existence. Oh, there are flickers of light and love and hope and joy that somehow illuminate even the hard medal parts of me, but I want my fire back. I want my heart to be once again full of life and vitality and a voracious appetite for all that I am passionate about and all that I find worthy of tending to.
But I’m tired.
And that’s okay.
I know myself well enough to realize this isn’t the end of all I can do and all I can be and all I can dream. I know that this piece of my path is set aside for restoring and replenishing my vessel of goodness and gladness and giving. I have to understand and accept that I can’t do it all- and give it all- all of the time. And with that truth, comes the ever-present need to search for my stream and soak in the fresh waters of prayer, rest, processing, reflecting, and letting go. It’s time to lie down in the green pastures of peace, where I can just be.
And although it’s not in my nature to ever lower my expectations, there is a time and a place for being selfish. Self centered. Perhaps giving to myself the compassion and grace and tender care that I give to others. Wrapping myself up in my cocoon to recharge and untwist those mangled branches that have slowly wrapped around barren bars. When branches start to suffocate the vitality of our existence, it’s time to breath fresh air back into them in order to once again rise with new vigor and verve!
So many of us have a plate so full, we can barely breathe. The giving, doing, serving… can lead us to the end of ourselves if we don’t allow some of that back in. It’s the typical ailment many of us endure…
And some never stop to get their fill. And many may become strangled in the emptiness. Sometimes we don’t feel that we can afford to replenish our weary and worn places.
But we must.
We must make sacrifices in order to tend to our needs, or we wind up like this tree…
Twisted, tangled, tied, and trapped around cold unwavering medal. Who wants to live like that?
I know and believe my purpose for living and the richness of all I do is significant and beautiful in God’s Eyes. And I will continue to be who I am, because I know no other way of living. I want the abundance of it all, the depth of this life is worth the fatigue.
But for now? I can aim low. Pace myself according to my needs. Allow myself to rest, recover, and replenish and eventually restore my spirit and fill my heart back up to give. I will take more time to soak in His Goodness and be drenched in quiet moments- and try as much as I can to fight the ongoing pressures that ensue as I claim my need to simply replenish the well.
So please excuse me, while my God makes me lie down in green pastures, and leads me beside quiet waters…
He has some soul refreshing to do.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.