I turn 49 today. And as I wonder about my age, the years gone by, and this season I am in, I realize that these days are the best days of my life. I’m your average middle class American mom with two kids and an adoring husband. I am living the dream I didn’t know I had. Better yet, I’m living the dream I believe God had…
This is where I am.
I look back on my life as though there were different seasons that defined my years, my growth, my identity, and paved my path forward, preparing me for what lies ahead. I see that each one created in me, those things I would need for what’s to come. I wonder now, how this season will affect the next, and I realize that with time I will surely understand its purpose.
I’ve written a lot about these seasons, and how they have created who I am and this life I live now. I’ve written about acceptance, intention, and purpose often around here- because I truly believe there should be those three things in every season of our lives…
Actually in every day-
Don’t you agree?
I am often in a state of agony, as this world reveals such atrocities of war and hate and death and violence. I watch as this earth crushes humanity through earthquakes, floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, and fires…
And I feel the weight of it all and the constant conviction that I should do more. I must do more. I feel an immense burden of guilt, for living in this wrapped gift of protection and peace. How is it that I am untouched by it all? How can it be, that I live my days free from all this mayhem? This madness? This suffering? This evil?
I’m not naive to realize that at any given moment, evil can find me too. There is a chilling unknown we all anticipate, and in these times- we are well aware that danger may be a moment away.
But for now, in this moment…
I am astounded at this life I get to live.
There is a profound joy that simmers deep in your soul, when you are using the gifts God gave you. There is an immense fulfillment that comes from it. I believe in this season, I’m using many of my gifts.
And although I still suffer in silence, when I am hit by this often indistinguishable illness- I must have faith that this too, will find its way through acceptance, intention and purpose. I cannot let this pain steal the season, or disband my mission with defeat and discouragement. I will grab onto the hope that more answers will come, toward healing and restoration.
Experiencing chronic illness, past surgeries and injuries, and now planning yet another surgery, I find more affirmation and confirmation of my most valued mission: My upcoming book, offering women help and hope while they are healing. I don’t think I have ever felt this assured of anything in my life. I hope and pray this gift reaches the many women who suffer too. It really is all about acceptance, intention, and purpose. And my heart swells to think that I can use my own painful experiences to walk alongside others in a very personal way.
I can’t think of anything better than that.
So today, this is where I am.
Completely and utterly grateful for this life I live.
I couldn’t think of any place I’d rather be.
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