My dear beloved friend attempted suicide last weekend…
I held her in my arms as she cried over and over again, “I want to die Chrissy… I want to DIE.”
Over and over again.
Over and over again.
I had happened upon her second attempt.
My arms wrapped around this precious broken soul, and I just couldn’t hold her tight enough. I couldn’t take the pain away. I couldn’t carry her to a better place…
Oh how I wish I could.
Instead 911 was called and she was taken to the ER, and admitted.
My dear precious friend. Broke.
I have a lot of friends barely surviving the shattered pieces of their lives right now. My heart is so heavy for so many that I can barely lift it up and carry on. But I do, because I can. My children have no idea…
Oh, the dichotomy.
I have spent the week caring for my precious broken friend, and her adoring daughter that bears the weight of finding her mom- and the note. I can’t even begin to describe the strength that exudes her young life as she navigates around paying bills and hearing diagnoses and running around town dealing with the absence of her mother. All the while, sick with Mono and missing her college classes this past week.
Oh, how I worry for her.
I have spent my waking hours grappling with it all, and trying to do what I can to show up.
I want to be there for the others too. They are on my mind as I wander through this thick haze of trauma.
Life is hard people.
But you know that already, don’t you?
Why oh why does this world sink us?
Those mountains He could move!
But He doesn’t.
I’m constantly praying through each moment… and I keep going back to this same thing.
God can move mountains, but He would rather move people.
Does He move you?
Where are your hands? Your feet?
Are they stretched toward the hurting? The broken?
They are right in front of you.
Or are you thinking, ‘Man, Chris really has some messed up friends in her life.”
You aren’t living deeply enough dear reader.
There are people in your life who suffer. They are everywhere.
I could list at least ten major crises that are going on with different friends right now… and they are true nightmares.
But I won’t, because the point of this post is this:
If you don’t know many- yes MANY people in your life who are suffering, then you are not living deeply. You are not diving into relationships that divulge the muck, the madness, and the mayhem that surrounds our lives. It’s everywhere…
Even in your friends’ lives.
And if you don’t know it’s going on, then you simply aren’t looking hard enough.
Dig in. Dive deep. This is life.
The trenches are where the deepest love abounds. I can say with total assurance that the greatest treasures of my life are the most difficult ones that take the very fibers of my heart and stretch them beyond capacity.
This is where I live.
And I urge you to live there too…
Because the superficial, protected life only lasts so long, sweet friends. There’s little glory in that anyway.
Get some grit in your grab. It’s hard- but it’s worth every shattering moment.
So, I ponder and pray…
And honestly? I don’t know why God allows such things. I wonder constantly about this, and always seem to find the answer in this truth.
WE are His Hands and Feet.
God would rather move people than mountains.
I wish He would move mountains…
Broken marriages repaired.
Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. Etc………………….
But He doesn’t use His Mighty Power to Heal, to Steal the evil from this world and throw it in the fire.
He uses hearts. And hands. And feet.
I suppose it’s our hearts He wants, so perhaps it’s all about the end game. His vision is different. I can only imagine what His Landscape carries across the unknown existence of our world. I think of Job often, and dare to understand the battle that is beyond. Does God bargain with the devil for us all?
I don’t know.
But what I believe is that the things of this world mean nothing to Him. Our hearts and the ever-after means everything.
So while we exist here in the whirling dish of diabolical winds…
Lets hold on to each other, okay?
Let’s be moved by His Call.
We are His People. And in the disgrace of it all, He pours through us His Grace and giving.
Where shall we go with it?
To those who need it.
Allow His Work to be done, as He so passionately desires…
Through and in and around hearts.
They are everywhere-
If you look deep enough-
Carry those who are broken.
Serve those who are in need.
And hold them tight, when they want to die.
I am beginning to learn that…
WE are the mountains He moves.