I am an extraordinary mom. Yes I am. I don’t mean the kind of mom that has it all together and has those super powers that some moms do…I am talking about something very different. I’m just not ordinary. So I am going with extra- ordinary. Let me explain:
I am the kind of mom that has no problem tearing open a box of Ho Ho’s in the middle of the grocery store for my children to shove down their throats just to shut them up. Eventually handing the wrappers and crushed box to the check out cashier with the rest of the groceries.
I am the kind of mom that stays at the zoo after it closes and sneaks around with my kids to watch the animals REALLY come alive. It is so amazing to roam the zoo without other people there! We feel like we OWN the zoo and the animals that live there…until a zoo member finds us and tells us to leave.
I am the kind of mom that sticks my kids in the Kohl’s double cart and flies them around the circular path of the store at top speed with their hands held high screaming, “FASTER MOMMY! FASTER!!!” All the while, knocking down displays and running into people that just don’t move fast enough to get out of the way. Eventually, we collide with a Kohl’s employee, and we are asked to stop ‘please’.
I am the kind of mom that takes my kids to a shoe store and hangs out in the back clearance section so my kids can try on hundreds of pairs of shoes, just for fun! They strut around like runway models as I laugh and say, “Oh wow! Those are DOOZERS!!!” Yes, even my little boy finds the leopard print 12 inch heal boots that go up to his waste to sport. Can anyone say, hilarious? I can. My kids still do this when we go to any stores that have a shoe section. It’s our tradition. People stop and stare and laugh and look at me like I am nuts. And I look back at them and say, “Aren’t they a RIOT??” I always promise the anxious store clerks that we will clean the catastrophic mess up…promise!
I am the kind of mom that shoves my kid outside in his underwear when it’s 40 degrees, just to make a point. He always, ALWAYS comes down after his shower, without his pajamas on. Here’s the ridiculous part. He’s always SHIVERING. He whines, “Brrr….I’m cold!” To that I say, “Get some PJS ON!!!! I bought you those angry bird ones at Kohls and you NEVER wear them!” And to that he says, “But it’s not winter yet!”
Funny, he puts on his pajamas now. Point taken.
More often than not, my kids have tacos or hotdogs for breakfast, and cereal or pancakes for dinner. Why not?
I have no problem charging my daughter ten cents an hour for the electricity she wasted while leaving her bedroom light on all day during school.
We have a long-standing poop contest that has been going on for years…who has the biggest? Yes, we show off our bowel accomplishments. You say sick? I say fascinating.
Extra-ordinary. Some may say I’m crazy. Others may say I am completely inappropriate. I just say I’m me.