Let me explain, because I really am not a name caller. I have shared many times about the MamaFreak within me…maybe you have that too? You know, all the different ways we totally freak out when we are protecting our babies? Well this is somewhat similar…
It’s the knee jerk moment, (hence called the “MomJerk” Moment) that impulsively and abruptly happens when our children do, say or experience something that makes us unravel down the slippery spiral slope of sudden stress. It’s that immediate reaction to something about our kids that is raw and real and has been learned along the way. It’s that ever-present doom that opens its mouth and gobbles us whole. We immediately run toward that cliff and jump off and crash into the never-ending wading waters of worry. Take a long swim and start to drown.
That MomJerk Moment, is what I am referring to.
Let me give you some of my very own examples…
As soon as I hear my daughter start to cough at night, I immediately go into a “MomJerk” moment with thoughts that spiral down, invade my mind and shake my soul:
“Here it comes. Oh dear Lord no… NO!! No. No. Oh I beg you God! I can’t do this again. I can’t see her suffer anymore! She will be sick for weeks and I can’t make it through more endless nights that will be horrific and painful and long. I know she won’t get better and then we will end up in the hospital and then there are the bills… we can’t afford any more bills!! And what surgery or procedure or medicine is next??? Oh, how in the world can she miss so much school!! She is gonna fail fourth grade and I am going to have to hold her back, and then she will totally rebel or sink into a deep depression and start cutting herself and run away. She will forever be scarred and never ever get over not passing fourth grade! I need to pull her from school now and just home school her. I have to find a curriculum NOW!! Oh dear Lord how I will I teach her anything without losing my MIND? I am doomed. We are doomed. She is DOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Kinda like that.
Anyone? Anyone have those “MomJerk” Moments? The ‘hold it together’ mom sustains herself fairly well, until the knee-jerk hits the fan! Walking just fine along the motherhood path and then BOOM! The MomJerk within hits!
Oh so many times I can’t count. Want a few more examples to better understand? Here’s a few more:
“Oh this day is too much for him! He has not stopped running all day again with his cousins. I know he is so excited to see them, but he is sooo overtired, what was I thinking? I should have napped him yesterday. If he misses his nap again, he will have horrible night terrors all night and then I will be up dealing with him and I can’t handle losing more sleep tonight! I just can’t! Maybe I should put him in the basement with me, no he won’t go for that. But I KNOW he will wake up screaming and crying and kicking around his cousins and I won’t hear him!! I will have to sleep upstairs on the couch. My back will be completely screwed up. Okay, I will just stay up all night. Yes, it’s easier to just stay up. I will be too anxious anyway, just waiting for the volcano to blow! I am totally going to run myself down and get sick, and we are ALWAYS sick for the holidays! He’s going to wake up everyone in the house and his poor cousins will freak out and get scared! Then he will probably get sick too, because he missed his nap for the fourth time and then his asthma will kick in. And then he will get his SISTER sick! No. No. NO! Oh Lord, I can’t handle this!!! He’s gonna be a MESS!!!! I’m gonna be a mess! His sister’s gonna be a mess! It’s all gonna BE. A. MESS!”
“Oh this is just great. She can’t even understand her math NOW!!! It’s the first week of school for God’s sake! If she can’t even get the review from last year, how on earth will she make it through fourth grade?? Oh Lord, she will never make it. I should have held her back. Now she will struggle all year long and I will have to pay for tutors to help her! We can’t afford that! She will be a mess and cry every time she does her homework and I don’t have the PATIENCE to help her through her work for THREE HOURS every night! This year will be a total NIGHTMARE!!!! Everyone will make fun of her at school because she is not getting anything in class. Then the evil bullies will start to hunt her down and eat her alive. Oh Lord, she can’t go through another horrible year! She can’t! Maybe I need to pull her now. Yes. I can’t take watching her fail again and again. And GOD forbid she gets sick this year! Then, well that’s it. I will just plain give up. I can’t give up! What will I do with her? A sick, uneducated child. What will become of her life?? No. No. NO!”
Do you have “MomJerk” Moments? What do yours look like? Would you share?