I have been feeling depleted and defeated this week. Perhaps it’s all coming from recently hosting family for four days worth of celebrations and gatherings. Perhaps it was hearing girls giggling until 2:00am through last night’s sleepover that sealed the deal. It could be that school starts in the blink of an eye and I have just started to organize last year’s papers, as the piles of new school supplies are covering my dining room floor. I realize keeping my very active 7-year old ‘down’ for days to heal his twisted ankle may be the cause as well… Ah, the incessant needs from my children keep me from completing one coherent thought. Yes, that might be the one. Perhaps?
And there’s more. There’s always more. Yes?
Sometimes I can handle all the obstacles and draining days beautifully. And there are times when I am down right pissy. Tired. Irritated. Overwhelmed. And act like a fool.
I snap faster. I crack easier. I sigh louder.
And that my friends, is where I am.
You been there?
So, as I barricade myself in my bedroom to write this post… listening to my daughter create a ‘new hair-do’ at my sink and I try to tune out the blaring tv from downstairs…
I settle in to my comfy chair, hot coffee in hand with criss-cross applesauce legs and start to write my heart out.
Words always release. Ahh….
These blurry days have compiled a burden high on my empty functioning gritty presence, and I painfully try to twist my thoughts around a more positive turn. I know what I am to do. Truly. I am called to change my perspective. Daily.
(Excuse me while I now help my daughter do her hair, as she is at the level of begging… See? ONE coherent thought… Side ponytail, turned into a bun, wrapped in her new shirt she just cut up, “Higher mommy!” Moussed, sprayed, pinned. Done. )
Oh, how I know I am to focus on all that is ‘worthy of praise’ as Philippians 4:8 speaks to my heart every stinkin’ minute that I grumble. I force myself to think of ‘such things’… and that does help.
But our human nature is a force to be reckoned with, yes?
Sometimes it’s much harder than easier to allow God to permeate my mind full of blessings I indeed treasure. Sometimes, I just don’t want Him to.
So here I am in transformation mode, pleading to my self to change. Find the light. Breathe in freshly painted images that confirm His Presence and affirm my faith. I have been here many times before…
I know how this goes.
This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
“This the day the Lord has made. Let me rejoice and be glad in it.”
I sit here on my beautiful comfy chair in my amazing home; able to type and breathe and literally get up and do anything I please. My children are healthy adorable creatures that are loved and live with a passion I won’t hold back. My loving and committed husband just fixed a wonderful lunch for everyone and cleaned up the kitchen as well. I have loads and loads of laundry to start, full of generous helpings of any and all we could ever need to clothe ourselves for the days, weeks and months ahead. I am drinking my delicious coffee that is a treat I can afford on top of never having to go hungry ever in my life. I am constantly grateful for the means we have to purchase school supplies, pay school fees and live in a neighborhood that provides an incredible education for my children. I will enjoy my friends and family at a cook out in a few hours that will be both fun and fulfilling. Oh, how grateful I am for friends. I will come home to prepare my Sunday school teaching for tomorrow, and this reminds me how honored I am to belong to a church family that is both genuine and generous.
In just a few short days, I will be missing my children. The annoyances and constant demands will vanish, and this season will be done. The papers will be put away and the supplies organized and all the new school year chaos will melt into a rhythm that is fruitful and productive. This blurry, messy maddening stream of endless days will be gone. All gone.
May I cherish my children’s every tiny whim on this day.
May I realize the provisions I have been given.
May I continue to count the blessings that surround me and surpass me.
May I proclaim His Presence stitching every thread sewn on the fabric of my life.
May I try harder, to embrace each moment given to me… that is worthy of celebration.
May I rejoice in this day.