Tic Toc, the clock moves forward with an anxious tremble. Anticipating letting go, again. It’s never an easy season. Mixed emotions fluctuating back and forth as my mind wanders through the halls and classrooms filled with children and all that lies ahead. I feel sudden surges of anxiety, forecasting bullying and sickness, academic struggles and homework. Twisting through the darkness of what’s to come and fearful of what may be a reality, and what may not. I force excitement out with an apprehensive squeal, knowing that a new beginning is good. But hiding in the corner of my soul, is angst and turmoil about what is bad. Hours and hours through days and days, present opportunities of the unknown.
Will they find friends? Will they be scared in the new halls with the new schedule and the new teachers and all the “new”? Will they navigate their way through the corridors and find the restroom in time? Will they find someone to eat lunch with and play with at recess? Will they grow tired half way through the day and want to give up? Will they want to cry deep inside, or cower in fear? Will they understand the curriculum and take the tests with confidence? Will I ever know exactly what they face during those long days, weeks and months on their own? Oh how the questions go on and on in my restless mind.
I want so badly to believe that this is a good world with a good place to send my children to be educated. I long to turn around and go on my way feeling confident in all that surrounds them, influences them, embraces them and questions them. I want security in knowing that my children will be entirely safe and well inside the walls of their school. I want to rely with certainty that when they are ill, they will be taken care of effectively and lovingly. I want to believe. Oh, how I want to believe.
A mother’s shaky heart. A mother’s trembling hand. A mother’s doubting mind. A mother’s aching soul.
Tic Tock, the clock flies toward new beginnings of wonder and learning about this world and where my children fit in. It is a time of awareness and investigating all that ignites their hearts and deepens their soul. The experiences that lie before them are the building blocks of who they will become. It is profound and critical to set them free, in order for them to navigate and discover each corner of life that unfolds before them. The days will be filled with tests on their skills and abilities to problem solve and make good decisions based on their character and their intuition. What a remarkable world to explore and question with the resources that our dedicated teachers can provide.
My children will learn independence and integrity as they overcome adversity and conflicts. They will conquer fears and inspire others, as they fully embrace their strength and confidence. Each challenge will be a step forward in developing their identity, believing in who they are. They will acquire the ability to evaluate and assess their surroundings accordingly, and practice bold creativity in coping. As hours turn into days and days run into weeks, they will grow in perseverance and endurance through hard lessons, filled with triumphant victories and painful defeats. Practicing the very essence of living.
I am so grateful that my children have this chance of a lifetime to grow with so many others from different walks of life. The diversity of souls will add depth to their perceptions and enlighten their minds to all that this country stands for: freedom. They will adapt and adjust to things they do not understand or agree with, and they will find compassion for those who are suffering.
My children will take their steps alone, without holding my hand, as they embark on their journey. It is how they grow. And I will be anxiously waiting for them alone, without holding their hands, as I too find my direction. It is how I grow.
A mother’s courageous heart. A mother’s sturdy hand. A mother’s confident mind. A mother’s faithful soul.